Swimming with your 2 year old
Swimming with your 2 year old
Once fearless, your toddler now clings to you like a soggy rashie at swim time? You’re not imagining things—and you’re definitely not alone. Many parents notice that their once water-loving toddler suddenly becomes hesitant, even fearful.
The good news? It’s
not regression. It’s growth—emotional, cognitive, and neurological. And with a few simple strategies (and a splash of patience), you can help your little one
feel safe and supported again.
The Brain Behind the Behaviour
At age two, your toddler's brain is working overtime. They're learning to make sense of the world—and with that comes an increased awareness of risk. This is where the “upstairs and downstairs brain” comes in (a concept adapted from neuroscience and made wonderfully kid-friendly by experts like Dr. Dan Siegel and Blissful Kids).
Here’s the breakdown:
The
downstairs brain is responsible for basic functions, strong emotions, and instinctive reactions—think crying, hitting, hiding, or clinging when overwhelmed. It’s the
home of the fight, flight, or freeze response.
The
upstairs brain helps with reasoning, empathy, planning, and regulation—but in toddlers, this part is still
under construction.
So, when a toddler suddenly becomes fearful of the water, it’s
not that they don’t want to swim—it’s just that their downstairs brain has taken over, and they’re in
protective mode.
So… What Can You Do?
Here are actionable, science-backed tips to help your toddler feel calmer, safer, and more confident in the pool:
- Stay Consistent, Even When It’s Hard
Keep showing up for swim class. Familiarity builds trust—and trust builds bravery. Even if all they do is sit on the edge this week, it’s still a win.
- Name the Feeling to Tame the Feeling
Acknowledge their fear without judgment:
“Are you feeling nervous about the water today? That’s okay—sometimes new things feel a bit tricky.” Naming emotions helps activate the upstairs brain and calms the stress response.
- Practice Regulation Out of the Pool
Use calm-down strategies like:
- Blowing bubbles (or pretending to blow out birthday candles)
- Gentle counting (“Let’s count to 5 together…”)
- Humming or singing a favorite song
These activities engage the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps the body and brain move out of fight-or-flight mode.
- Model Calm and Confidence
Your energy sets the tone. If you’re relaxed, your toddler will feel safer. Smile, use a calm voice, and radiate “you’ve got this” energy—even if they’re clinging tighter than their swim cap. Your calm helps regulate their chaos.
- Offer Choices, Not Ultimatums
Choice
creates a sense of control, which quiets the alarm bells in the downstairs brain.
- Empower them with small decisions:
“Do you want to sit on the step or stand on the mat?”
“Blue goggles or green?”
- Play, Don’t Push
Turn tasks into games. Blow bubbles together. “Catch” floating toys. Make silly faces underwater.
Play rewires the fear response. The brain interprets fun as safety, helping your child relax into the experience.
- Celebrate Tiny Wins (Like, Really Tiny)
Did they dip a toe in today? That’s a party. Did they wave at the instructor instead of hiding? Amazing. Positive reinforcement builds new neural pathways tied to joy and confidence—plus, it feels great!
- Keep Talking… Even If They’re Not
Even if they’re not responding, your words help guide their brain toward a calmer state. Language engages the upstairs brain, even when they can’t access it fully themselves. Use short, reassuring phrases:
- “You’re safe.”
“I’m here.”
“You’re doing a great job being brave.”
That cautious toddler stage? It’s temporary. With support, patience, and a bit of creative thinking, your child’s confidence will come bubbling back. Remember: when their downstairs brain is in charge, your calm is the anchor that keeps them grounded.
Every splash, every cuddle,
every small win counts. You’re not just teaching your toddler to swim—you’re helping them build emotional resilience, self-regulation, and trust that will serve them far beyond the pool.
And in our books, that’s what makes you truly fintastic, so keep at it and they'll be that little mermaid you know they always were.
